I Just Want To Move

Taking away movement from me is like taking water away from a fish. The fish essentially just has to give up, because they are unable to breath. Flopping around just trying to survive, finally surrendering. I am that fish. I have been off exercise for about 2 months now, I know exercise will return one day. Though until then I long for movement. At this point even just, a simple walk would do. I have to conserve my steps each and every day to just get to be able to maybe move later on.

I have always been on the move for as long as I can remember I've been on the go. Whether that is dancing, in the gym, going for walks, or running. I find so much joy and piece in movement. It is like a mediation for me, an escape from the world. No matter how long I move it just gives my brain enough time to reset and restart.

I will also be the first to admit, I have found in times in my life where I would use exercise to abuse my body, constantly feeling as though I needed to punish it for eating food. Though that was about 2 years ago. Now movement is a source of joy and a place I find myself. So not being able to move these past two months has made this journey that much harder. A fish being next to a bowl of water, flopping around trying to find that release and joy again. Like I said I know that movement will return, and I'm supposed to just focus on feed zone to feed zone. Though I just want to move. I want to be 23, and I want to be able to live life again.