3/31 post beach dayzzz

The beach is the most healing thing in the world. Clinically the beach is one of the best places you can be. Thanks to the high magnesium in the water your muscles and nerve functionality is improved along with blood sugar levels. Even your sleep improves. Thats why a vacation to the beach often leaves you feeling rejuvenated. The rhythmic sounds of the waves also help to balance out your circadian rhythm. I love the ocean, I always have. It is such a place of peace for me. I have always been a water person no matter what, if I find water I want to be in it, or at least alongside it. However, the beach can also bring feelings of unworthiness and worry. Swimwear can tear into your soul like a sword. Especially after an eating disorder. Because you're so used to clothes not fitting or gapping. That when they even start to feel normal, it is so hard. Because your sense of self is already so warped its hard to recognize that you still need to gain weight and your still too little. Photos for me are the easiest spots to see that I need to keep going. Without a photo of myself I would never be able to recognize just how little I am. This trip was so fun, but brought so many emotions of sadness, because clothes felt a lot tighter than they did before. Especially too because the team that I am apart of only meets once a week .